Do you have a secret identity? Do you ever worry that it will be discovered/uncovered? Here’s a tip: don’t stop at ONE secret identity . Get 12. That way, if people unmask you once, you’ve still got more secret identities to fall back on. Here are some that are already taken:
Red Sting-y Man
Zoom (he’s very fast!)
Mister of the Earth (no, not Master of the Earth. Mister of the Earth. He throws the earth at bad guys)
Fire Man
Water Man
Purple Arrow
Marshmellow Man (he throws marshmellows at bad guys, which may not sound bad, but they are marshmellows that are STILL ON FIRE)
and that all-American superhero, Mustard Man.
With the power of Magnificent Mustard and Ketchup Man at his side, Mustard Man seeks to free the world from the evil Robot Hot Dog.
Seriously, folks. We could not make this stuff up.
Thursday, September 12, 2013
The Queen of Sunday School
Ryan and I volunteered to run a new Sunday School program at our church for kids in grades 4-6. We figured that not only do we provide the population base for this group ourselves, but our twins are too old to be coloring pictures of Jesus and gluing fish to them. Time for some serious Bible study. (Gulp.)
There will be more stories about this venture, certainly, but this is the first one: Picture four kids in a room with three adults. A blond boy with long skinny, scabby legs sits on the sofa with his arm spring-loaded to answer every question (yes, that’s Collin), another boy sits beside him, quiet, respectful, with a glint of mischief in his eye. A lovely, shy girl sits on the other side of the sectional sofa, her blue eyes watchful. And in a seat at the table with the teacher (who forgot to say that this was not an acceptable place to sit) lounges Annie Hall in all her menswear-sporting glory, slouched down, one foot cocked up on her opposite knee.
We do introductions, soft voices abounding, murmurs of, “My name is --- and my hobby is, umm, ----.”
Then it’s her turn (she makes sure she goes last, to pull off the big finish.)
“My name Lilah, but you can call me Awesome Sauce. My hobby is not eating breakfast. But when I do eat breakfast, I eat—(she waits a beat, because comedy is all about the timing) Awesome Sauce.”
There will be more stories about this venture, certainly, but this is the first one: Picture four kids in a room with three adults. A blond boy with long skinny, scabby legs sits on the sofa with his arm spring-loaded to answer every question (yes, that’s Collin), another boy sits beside him, quiet, respectful, with a glint of mischief in his eye. A lovely, shy girl sits on the other side of the sectional sofa, her blue eyes watchful. And in a seat at the table with the teacher (who forgot to say that this was not an acceptable place to sit) lounges Annie Hall in all her menswear-sporting glory, slouched down, one foot cocked up on her opposite knee.
We do introductions, soft voices abounding, murmurs of, “My name is --- and my hobby is, umm, ----.”
Then it’s her turn (she makes sure she goes last, to pull off the big finish.)
“My name Lilah, but you can call me Awesome Sauce. My hobby is not eating breakfast. But when I do eat breakfast, I eat—(she waits a beat, because comedy is all about the timing) Awesome Sauce.”
Hufflepuff?
Hufflepuff?
So Collin, lover of football, Percy Jackson, and Harry Potter, is convinced he is destined for Gryffindor House at Hogwarts. He even proudly wears a shirt proclaiming as much these days. But sometimes I wonder . . .
For his birthday, Collin was given the option of a party with local friends or a trip to D.C. with mom and some special things with one friend whom he doesn’t get to see very often. He opted for D.C. and the plan was dinner out, a sleepover (in our hotel room!), then breakfast (pancakes! Bacon!) and a trip to a Lego store together.
When we learned that his friend Parker has a soccer game on Saturday morning, I explained to Collin that we could still do most things, but we’d likely have to end with breakfast (and do a lower-key breakfast than planned, so Parker didn’t pass out from sugar shock ON the soccer field). He thought about this for a minute.
“So he couldn’t go to the Lego store with me?”
“Well, we could go, but not with Parker, probably. The store isn’t open before his game.”
“How long is Parker’s soccer game?”
“Probably about an hour.”
“So, I could watch it and THEN you could take us to the Lego store together . . . and then maybe we could have LUNCH together even?”
“You really want to just sit and watch your friend play soccer for an hour just so you can take him to a store to buy him some Lego?”
(Shrug.) “Sure.”
So Collin, lover of football, Percy Jackson, and Harry Potter, is convinced he is destined for Gryffindor House at Hogwarts. He even proudly wears a shirt proclaiming as much these days. But sometimes I wonder . . .
For his birthday, Collin was given the option of a party with local friends or a trip to D.C. with mom and some special things with one friend whom he doesn’t get to see very often. He opted for D.C. and the plan was dinner out, a sleepover (in our hotel room!), then breakfast (pancakes! Bacon!) and a trip to a Lego store together.
When we learned that his friend Parker has a soccer game on Saturday morning, I explained to Collin that we could still do most things, but we’d likely have to end with breakfast (and do a lower-key breakfast than planned, so Parker didn’t pass out from sugar shock ON the soccer field). He thought about this for a minute.
“So he couldn’t go to the Lego store with me?”
“Well, we could go, but not with Parker, probably. The store isn’t open before his game.”
“How long is Parker’s soccer game?”
“Probably about an hour.”
“So, I could watch it and THEN you could take us to the Lego store together . . . and then maybe we could have LUNCH together even?”
“You really want to just sit and watch your friend play soccer for an hour just so you can take him to a store to buy him some Lego?”
(Shrug.) “Sure.”
Monday, June 18, 2012
Ian Claycomb is Three!
Ian Claycomb celebrates being 3
Friday June 15
10:00 a.m. I have a cold! Get stool from the bathroom, carry it to the tissue box in the
living room. Remove as many tissues as I can before Mommy catches me.
12:00 p.m. Go to grocery store with Mommy. Run shrieking down the aisles: “You
can’t get me! You can’t get me! I running away!”
1:30 p.m.Refuse to take nap.
2:00 p.m.Refuse to take nap.
2:30 p.m.Refuse to take nap.
3:00 p.m.Make cookies with Mommy. Yumm! Eat chocolate chips whenever
Mommy’s back is turned. Then turn the mixer on while blade is up, not in
the bowl. Spray entire kitchen and myself with cookie dough. “Mommy!
I all sticky!”
3:15 p.m.Mommy says I can’t help make cookies any more. Get rolling pin out of
drawer instead. Attempt to roll cat flat with rolling pin.
4:00 p.m.Remove my diaper. Pee on the floor. “Mommy! I peed on the floor!
Clean it!”
4:15 p.m.Remove my diaper again. Pee on the floor and the sofa. “Mommy! I
peed again! I did! Clean it!”
7:30 p.m.Bedtime. Hit Mommy in the leg with Batman action figure.
7:31 p.m.Mommy says I get no books at bedtime tonight because I hit her. Time for
huge temper tantrum.
7:35 p.m.Mommy goes away and Daddy comes in to put me to bed. “No Daddy!
Not you! Go away!”
Saturday June 16
5:30 a.m.Wake up time! “Mommy, wake up!”
10:30 a.m.Fall off chair outside in back yard and scrape my arm. “It hurts! It hurts!
I need a bandaid! I need medicine! It hurts! No I don’t LIKE the
bandaid! It hurts! My very bad cut hurts!”
12:30 p.m. Stick pea up my nose. Try to get it out and push it up further. Mommy
gets a tissue and makes me blow my nose. The pea comes out. Daddy
says not to ever do that again.
1:00 p.m.Refuse to take nap
1:30 p.m.Refuse to take nap
2:00 p.m.Refuse to take nap.
2:30 p.m.Refuse to take nap. Accidentally lock myself in my room.
3:00 p.m.Scissors! I love to cut things with scissors! Can I cut the cat?
6:30 p.m.Dinner time. I eat waffle with sprinkles on it. Tip the waffle up so the
sprinkles all fall off into my mouth. Many sprinkles fall on the floor.
Sunday Jun 17
8:30 a.m.Eat muffins. Spill crumbs in six-foot radius around chair. Sit on
chocolate chip and get big smear of chocolate on my shorts.
8:35 a.m.Mommy takes my shorts. “Give them back! No! I need my shorts!”
8:36 a.m.Mommy puts my shorts back on me. They have a wet spot! I do not like
my shorts! “Take them off! Put them in the laundry!”
9:00 a.m.Pretend to be a giant. Stomp around the house shouting “Boom! Boom!”
Giants are bad. They hit things. I hit something! I hit Daddy.
9:01 a.m.Say sorry to Daddy for hitting. Daddy says to go play in my room. Go to
bathroom instead, get out Lilah’s lipstick. Paint lipstick all over myself,
my clothes, my diaper, the floor . . . the lipstick breaks off in a big chunk.
Lilah comes in. She says I was very naughty.
9:05 a.m.Take bath.
1:00 p.m.Refuse to take nap.
1:30 p.m.Refuse to take nap.
2.:00 p.m.Try to climb Mommy and pull both her and her chair over onto the floor.
Mommy screams and falls down. Lilah starts to cry. Daddy comes in and
says I was naughty. “What I do?”
3:00 p.m.Play board game with Collie and Lilah. Lie on game board and kick all
pieces in all directions with my feet. This is a very fun game.
4:30 p.m.Collie and Lilah and Mommy are on the porch. They are reading a book.
I want to read a book with them. Try to go out on the porch with them.
Accidentally lock them on the porch.
7:00 p.m.Take bath. Pee in the bath. Attempt to drink the bathwater.
8:00 p.m.Bedtime. Mommy snuggles in my rocking chair with me. She is sleepy.
I am not sleepy at all. I do not need to go night-night. I am not sleepy . . .
Friday June 15
10:00 a.m. I have a cold! Get stool from the bathroom, carry it to the tissue box in the
living room. Remove as many tissues as I can before Mommy catches me.
12:00 p.m. Go to grocery store with Mommy. Run shrieking down the aisles: “You
can’t get me! You can’t get me! I running away!”
1:30 p.m.Refuse to take nap.
2:00 p.m.Refuse to take nap.
2:30 p.m.Refuse to take nap.
3:00 p.m.Make cookies with Mommy. Yumm! Eat chocolate chips whenever
Mommy’s back is turned. Then turn the mixer on while blade is up, not in
the bowl. Spray entire kitchen and myself with cookie dough. “Mommy!
I all sticky!”
3:15 p.m.Mommy says I can’t help make cookies any more. Get rolling pin out of
drawer instead. Attempt to roll cat flat with rolling pin.
4:00 p.m.Remove my diaper. Pee on the floor. “Mommy! I peed on the floor!
Clean it!”
4:15 p.m.Remove my diaper again. Pee on the floor and the sofa. “Mommy! I
peed again! I did! Clean it!”
7:30 p.m.Bedtime. Hit Mommy in the leg with Batman action figure.
7:31 p.m.Mommy says I get no books at bedtime tonight because I hit her. Time for
huge temper tantrum.
7:35 p.m.Mommy goes away and Daddy comes in to put me to bed. “No Daddy!
Not you! Go away!”
Saturday June 16
5:30 a.m.Wake up time! “Mommy, wake up!”
10:30 a.m.Fall off chair outside in back yard and scrape my arm. “It hurts! It hurts!
I need a bandaid! I need medicine! It hurts! No I don’t LIKE the
bandaid! It hurts! My very bad cut hurts!”
12:30 p.m. Stick pea up my nose. Try to get it out and push it up further. Mommy
gets a tissue and makes me blow my nose. The pea comes out. Daddy
says not to ever do that again.
1:00 p.m.Refuse to take nap
1:30 p.m.Refuse to take nap
2:00 p.m.Refuse to take nap.
2:30 p.m.Refuse to take nap. Accidentally lock myself in my room.
3:00 p.m.Scissors! I love to cut things with scissors! Can I cut the cat?
6:30 p.m.Dinner time. I eat waffle with sprinkles on it. Tip the waffle up so the
sprinkles all fall off into my mouth. Many sprinkles fall on the floor.
Sunday Jun 17
8:30 a.m.Eat muffins. Spill crumbs in six-foot radius around chair. Sit on
chocolate chip and get big smear of chocolate on my shorts.
8:35 a.m.Mommy takes my shorts. “Give them back! No! I need my shorts!”
8:36 a.m.Mommy puts my shorts back on me. They have a wet spot! I do not like
my shorts! “Take them off! Put them in the laundry!”
9:00 a.m.Pretend to be a giant. Stomp around the house shouting “Boom! Boom!”
Giants are bad. They hit things. I hit something! I hit Daddy.
9:01 a.m.Say sorry to Daddy for hitting. Daddy says to go play in my room. Go to
bathroom instead, get out Lilah’s lipstick. Paint lipstick all over myself,
my clothes, my diaper, the floor . . . the lipstick breaks off in a big chunk.
Lilah comes in. She says I was very naughty.
9:05 a.m.Take bath.
1:00 p.m.Refuse to take nap.
1:30 p.m.Refuse to take nap.
2.:00 p.m.Try to climb Mommy and pull both her and her chair over onto the floor.
Mommy screams and falls down. Lilah starts to cry. Daddy comes in and
says I was naughty. “What I do?”
3:00 p.m.Play board game with Collie and Lilah. Lie on game board and kick all
pieces in all directions with my feet. This is a very fun game.
4:30 p.m.Collie and Lilah and Mommy are on the porch. They are reading a book.
I want to read a book with them. Try to go out on the porch with them.
Accidentally lock them on the porch.
7:00 p.m.Take bath. Pee in the bath. Attempt to drink the bathwater.
8:00 p.m.Bedtime. Mommy snuggles in my rocking chair with me. She is sleepy.
I am not sleepy at all. I do not need to go night-night. I am not sleepy . . .
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Ian!
Scene
Ian, aged 2.7 and Molly, feline aged 14, sitting on sofa.
Ian: (petting Molly gently, with tremendous restraint) I pet her!
Molly: (glowers)
Ian: (patting Molly’s back, again with a restraint unusual for him) I pat her back! I pat her fur!
Molly: (glowers)
Ian: (bending to peer into Molly’s eyes) She has lellow eyes! They are lellow!
Molly: (glowers)
Ian: (with great daring, bends further and kisses Molly on the head) Molly and me are getting married! We are getting married! I kiss her!
Molly: (glowers)
Ian, aged 2.7 and Molly, feline aged 14, sitting on sofa.
Ian: (petting Molly gently, with tremendous restraint) I pet her!
Molly: (glowers)
Ian: (patting Molly’s back, again with a restraint unusual for him) I pat her back! I pat her fur!
Molly: (glowers)
Ian: (bending to peer into Molly’s eyes) She has lellow eyes! They are lellow!
Molly: (glowers)
Ian: (with great daring, bends further and kisses Molly on the head) Molly and me are getting married! We are getting married! I kiss her!
Molly: (glowers)
Collin!
We love Collin. He is smart and funny and incredibly energetic and outgoing and polite and a huge fan of my homemade desserts.
But man, when that kid wants to have a temper tantrum!
The other night he gave me his Social Studies review sheet to look over. I noted that he had been asked to name 2 continents. This seemed a bit facile, so I asked him to name some more.
“Noooooo! I only have to name two!”
“But you can name more.”
“But I ONLY HAVE TO NAME TWO!”
“Well, on the paper you do, but I know you probably name all of them. Name a couple more. For me.”
“Mommmyyyy!” And he threw himself against the kitchen cabinets so dramatically that—get this—he lost his footing, slid down the cabinet face, caught his pajama top on the door handle and then split his own lip on the top edge of said door handle, promptly smearing blood all over the cabinet and the floor and bursting into tears.
I picked him up, got him some ice in a washcloth, and hugged him close. Then I leaned down and whispered, “Hey Coll? I’m still going to make you name more continents.”
“NOOO!” he wailed, drooling blood.
I didn’t say anything. He sighed.
“Fine. Africa, North America, South America, and Antartica.”
Was that so hard?
But man, when that kid wants to have a temper tantrum!
The other night he gave me his Social Studies review sheet to look over. I noted that he had been asked to name 2 continents. This seemed a bit facile, so I asked him to name some more.
“Noooooo! I only have to name two!”
“But you can name more.”
“But I ONLY HAVE TO NAME TWO!”
“Well, on the paper you do, but I know you probably name all of them. Name a couple more. For me.”
“Mommmyyyy!” And he threw himself against the kitchen cabinets so dramatically that—get this—he lost his footing, slid down the cabinet face, caught his pajama top on the door handle and then split his own lip on the top edge of said door handle, promptly smearing blood all over the cabinet and the floor and bursting into tears.
I picked him up, got him some ice in a washcloth, and hugged him close. Then I leaned down and whispered, “Hey Coll? I’m still going to make you name more continents.”
“NOOO!” he wailed, drooling blood.
I didn’t say anything. He sighed.
“Fine. Africa, North America, South America, and Antartica.”
Was that so hard?
Lilah!
Notes from the first drama class:
So Lilah and Collin are enrolled in drama class this Spring. Collin was reluctant but seems pleasantly surprised at how much physical energy the class demands of him. Lilah is in her element. A story shall illustrate.
On the first day, the children were divided into two groups and each group did an impromptu rendition of a familiar fairy tale. They chose Goldilocks and the Three Bears and The Three Little Pigs. After some 20 minutes of practice that seemed to involved a lot of giggling, they presented these scenes to the watching parents.
The first group set the tone, which was mono, as it were. The children mumbled their lines (“This porridge is too hot.”) except for Collin, who employed a squeaky voice as Baby Bear. But they all seemed shyly pleased to be going through the motions. Goldilocks did a great deal of vague pantomiming of eating, sitting, then lying down, all at high speed, and at the end the bears gleefully chased her off the stage.
The second group started in much the same vein, with three diffident little pigs standing in a line and the first one shuffling a few steps away to begin “building” her straw house.
Then the wolf appeared.
Snarling, limping like a maimed serial killer, his face contorted and his voice a creepy blend of Russian gangster and cartoon villain, he approached the bewildered pig.
“Leetle pig, leetle pig, let me in!” he spat.
The pig shook her head.
“Then I weeel huffff and puff and blow your house eeen!” Cried the wolf, and proceeded to do so dramatically.
At the end of this skit, the pigs lit a fire in the fireplace and when the wolf slid down the chimney, he burned his bottom. He let out a whoop, clapped his hands to his rear end, and pranced off-stage.
I venture to say that I was not the only audience member struck by this stunning performance. The parents all around me were in stitches. The wolf was quite pleased with her audience response.
And thus, a star is born.
So Lilah and Collin are enrolled in drama class this Spring. Collin was reluctant but seems pleasantly surprised at how much physical energy the class demands of him. Lilah is in her element. A story shall illustrate.
On the first day, the children were divided into two groups and each group did an impromptu rendition of a familiar fairy tale. They chose Goldilocks and the Three Bears and The Three Little Pigs. After some 20 minutes of practice that seemed to involved a lot of giggling, they presented these scenes to the watching parents.
The first group set the tone, which was mono, as it were. The children mumbled their lines (“This porridge is too hot.”) except for Collin, who employed a squeaky voice as Baby Bear. But they all seemed shyly pleased to be going through the motions. Goldilocks did a great deal of vague pantomiming of eating, sitting, then lying down, all at high speed, and at the end the bears gleefully chased her off the stage.
The second group started in much the same vein, with three diffident little pigs standing in a line and the first one shuffling a few steps away to begin “building” her straw house.
Then the wolf appeared.
Snarling, limping like a maimed serial killer, his face contorted and his voice a creepy blend of Russian gangster and cartoon villain, he approached the bewildered pig.
“Leetle pig, leetle pig, let me in!” he spat.
The pig shook her head.
“Then I weeel huffff and puff and blow your house eeen!” Cried the wolf, and proceeded to do so dramatically.
At the end of this skit, the pigs lit a fire in the fireplace and when the wolf slid down the chimney, he burned his bottom. He let out a whoop, clapped his hands to his rear end, and pranced off-stage.
I venture to say that I was not the only audience member struck by this stunning performance. The parents all around me were in stitches. The wolf was quite pleased with her audience response.
And thus, a star is born.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Ian Himself
So, many (far too many) years ago, we did a Claycomb Twins dictionary. I believe it went out as our Christmas card. It featured such linguistic treasures as "pyuh-twuck holmie" (Fire truck helmet), "ogen" (orange), and "flah-lah" (flower). It may NOT have included Lilah's imperative for "Sit," as in, "Sit, Mommy!" into which she inserted a well-placed "sh" sound. (We'll let readers figure it out.)
Well, before time passes and the moment is gone, here is the same dictionary moment, for Ian. Enjoy.
Bappieball- (n) Basketball. Or soccer ball or volley ball, but not, interestingly enough, any smaller ball. He reserves the term for the larger (and more fascinating) of the species. This fascination was no doubt solidified today, when we went to the WVU Rec Center and a man who was actually playing basketball gave Ian the ball to hold. And Gramps, we are sorry to report that even footballs are called, that's right, bappieballs.
Bi-boy- (n) Big boy. As in, any boy doing something notably cool. Collin. One of Collin’s friends. Ian himself when he is doing something he should not be doing, like standing on his train (see Flickr photo.) Always invoked with either admiration or pride, depending.
Hottie-dog- (n) Hot dog. Not even his favorite food, but so much more fun to say with the added “ee” sound.
Hottler (n) Helicopter. Invariably pronounced with the variant stuttering “H” sound (H-h-h-hottler) to indicate extreme excitement and amazement. That such things exist! That they move and make those sounds! That there are videos of them that we can watch. Over and over and over and over again!
Itty- (n) Ian. Took us a while, but we (or more accurately, his babysitter) deduced that this is what he calls himself. Now previously mysterious phrases like “Itty turn!” and “Itty do!” make so much more sense.
Lacey- (n) The name of Ian’s pet dog. Perhaps you are puzzled here, if you know us well. We do not have a dog. Nor does Ian have a stuffed dog of which he is particularly fond. He does, however, have a sister. When she is pretending to be a dog, she calls herself Lacey. And so does Ian. She enters the room on all fours, barking. He turns. “Lacey!” he calls. Does anyone else think this is weird?
‘Mazing- (adj.) Amazing. Used to describe himself when prompted. Discovered in the Kung Fu Panda 2 trailer (view through link, here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdaMGcOyfjM), with which Ian is obsessed. He thinks the panda is looking right at him and telling him he looks amazing. Well, who wouldn’t like to hear that?
Ready-Go! (V) Imperative verb indicating the start of a race, or a running-away from Mommy, or any time the kid is let outside to walk/run anywhere. Accompanied by a dip of the shoulders to indicate the runner in the blocks, then a lurching up of the shoulders and swing of one arm (for momentum, we presume) as he sets off, wispy blonde hair floating behind him. Fairly cute.
Well, before time passes and the moment is gone, here is the same dictionary moment, for Ian. Enjoy.
Bappieball- (n) Basketball. Or soccer ball or volley ball, but not, interestingly enough, any smaller ball. He reserves the term for the larger (and more fascinating) of the species. This fascination was no doubt solidified today, when we went to the WVU Rec Center and a man who was actually playing basketball gave Ian the ball to hold. And Gramps, we are sorry to report that even footballs are called, that's right, bappieballs.
Bi-boy- (n) Big boy. As in, any boy doing something notably cool. Collin. One of Collin’s friends. Ian himself when he is doing something he should not be doing, like standing on his train (see Flickr photo.) Always invoked with either admiration or pride, depending.
Hottie-dog- (n) Hot dog. Not even his favorite food, but so much more fun to say with the added “ee” sound.
Hottler (n) Helicopter. Invariably pronounced with the variant stuttering “H” sound (H-h-h-hottler) to indicate extreme excitement and amazement. That such things exist! That they move and make those sounds! That there are videos of them that we can watch. Over and over and over and over again!
Itty- (n) Ian. Took us a while, but we (or more accurately, his babysitter) deduced that this is what he calls himself. Now previously mysterious phrases like “Itty turn!” and “Itty do!” make so much more sense.
Lacey- (n) The name of Ian’s pet dog. Perhaps you are puzzled here, if you know us well. We do not have a dog. Nor does Ian have a stuffed dog of which he is particularly fond. He does, however, have a sister. When she is pretending to be a dog, she calls herself Lacey. And so does Ian. She enters the room on all fours, barking. He turns. “Lacey!” he calls. Does anyone else think this is weird?
‘Mazing- (adj.) Amazing. Used to describe himself when prompted. Discovered in the Kung Fu Panda 2 trailer (view through link, here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdaMGcOyfjM), with which Ian is obsessed. He thinks the panda is looking right at him and telling him he looks amazing. Well, who wouldn’t like to hear that?
Ready-Go! (V) Imperative verb indicating the start of a race, or a running-away from Mommy, or any time the kid is let outside to walk/run anywhere. Accompanied by a dip of the shoulders to indicate the runner in the blocks, then a lurching up of the shoulders and swing of one arm (for momentum, we presume) as he sets off, wispy blonde hair floating behind him. Fairly cute.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Lilah and Collin with their birthday cards
Yes, it's official. They are seven.
So this post will be short. I am reporting something second-hand, for one thing. It has to do, tangentially, with those vampire fangs Collin is sporting here (look closely). Those fangs were part of a whole haul of Halloween-themed (ahem) junk that they brought home from school, including rubber rats, skeleton erasers, spider rings, etc.
So the twins are out on the porch playing quietly (uh-oh.) Daddy asks what, exactly, they are doing.
"Oh, you know, we're playing. It's like bow and arrow except with rats."
Daddy, wisely, didn't inquire further.
So this post will be short. I am reporting something second-hand, for one thing. It has to do, tangentially, with those vampire fangs Collin is sporting here (look closely). Those fangs were part of a whole haul of Halloween-themed (ahem) junk that they brought home from school, including rubber rats, skeleton erasers, spider rings, etc.
So the twins are out on the porch playing quietly (uh-oh.) Daddy asks what, exactly, they are doing.
"Oh, you know, we're playing. It's like bow and arrow except with rats."
Daddy, wisely, didn't inquire further.
Ian reading
We were worried that Ian wouldn't be a reader, because up until about 6 weeks ago, he wasn't that into books. He liked to chew on them, but that was about it.
Silly us. Now he wakes up and we can hear him in his crib: "Book! Book!" He goes and gets books and hands them to you and then walks off and gets more books and hands them to someone else. He sits down and looks up at you expectantly. He gets them out of the bathroom and/or brings them into the bathroom. He climbs the stairs to get them and then tries to carry them downstairs with him. He pulls them out of his siblings' backpacks . . .
And as you can see, he likes to read them. Thank heavens.
Silly us. Now he wakes up and we can hear him in his crib: "Book! Book!" He goes and gets books and hands them to you and then walks off and gets more books and hands them to someone else. He sits down and looks up at you expectantly. He gets them out of the bathroom and/or brings them into the bathroom. He climbs the stairs to get them and then tries to carry them downstairs with him. He pulls them out of his siblings' backpacks . . .
And as you can see, he likes to read them. Thank heavens.
Lady L and Sir Collin the Snaggletooth
So I promised (in the post just before this one) to tell some tales of Lilah at the Renaissance Festival. And now it's been two months since we were there and it's hard to remember . . .
Well, but not that hard. Because Lilah clearly was made for the SCA. For those of you who don't know, that's the acronym for the Society for Creative Anachronism, which is those people who work at Ren Fests or (more likely even) go to Ren Fests in full costume and with elaborate accents and backstories and who spend hundreds of dollars on real chain mail and bustiers and wear fairy wings at their weddings.
These are her people.
"Hallo! Are you a princess?" called the greeters to Lilah as we entered the Fair.
"No!" (exasperated.) "I'm a fairy lady-in-waiting."
The children had each earned money to spend at the Fest. Collin bought a wooden sword and has been very happy. He has only almost killed me once with it.
Lilah bought: a rose dipped in hot melted wax then rolled in glitter, a necklace with a cat pendant on it, a tiny teddy bear with bells sewn onto his feet and a peacock feather. She WANTED to buy a stuffed, flower-bedecked unicorn big enough to sit on, but the woman who ran the shop told her it wasn't for sale.
Just wait. In ten years, when YOU go to a Renaissance Festival, perhaps you'll be greeted by a girl wearing a dress made out of peacock feathers and glitter, sitting on a white horse with a "horn" on its head. You'll know who it is. Just do whatever she tells you to do.
Well, but not that hard. Because Lilah clearly was made for the SCA. For those of you who don't know, that's the acronym for the Society for Creative Anachronism, which is those people who work at Ren Fests or (more likely even) go to Ren Fests in full costume and with elaborate accents and backstories and who spend hundreds of dollars on real chain mail and bustiers and wear fairy wings at their weddings.
These are her people.
"Hallo! Are you a princess?" called the greeters to Lilah as we entered the Fair.
"No!" (exasperated.) "I'm a fairy lady-in-waiting."
The children had each earned money to spend at the Fest. Collin bought a wooden sword and has been very happy. He has only almost killed me once with it.
Lilah bought: a rose dipped in hot melted wax then rolled in glitter, a necklace with a cat pendant on it, a tiny teddy bear with bells sewn onto his feet and a peacock feather. She WANTED to buy a stuffed, flower-bedecked unicorn big enough to sit on, but the woman who ran the shop told her it wasn't for sale.
Just wait. In ten years, when YOU go to a Renaissance Festival, perhaps you'll be greeted by a girl wearing a dress made out of peacock feathers and glitter, sitting on a white horse with a "horn" on its head. You'll know who it is. Just do whatever she tells you to do.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Lilah, a train, and a silly smile
So I have some great stories about Lilah and the Renaissance Festival, but I want to save those for the pictures of the festival, which we hope to upload soon. In the interim, I offer up the following rather random story.
We've been noticing that, while Collin has had crushes on girls (older girls, younger girls, Paris Hilton (sigh)) for several years, Lilah seems oblivious to the romantic potential of anyone. So I was surprised when she came downstairs clutching a book to her chest and blushing and giggling.
"Mommy," she said. "The prince in this book is SO CUTE!"
She has a large collection of beautifully-illustrated fairy tales, many of which have princes who are drawn to be, indeed, quite classically good looking. Who could she have settled on?
Click here to see.
We've been noticing that, while Collin has had crushes on girls (older girls, younger girls, Paris Hilton (sigh)) for several years, Lilah seems oblivious to the romantic potential of anyone. So I was surprised when she came downstairs clutching a book to her chest and blushing and giggling.
"Mommy," she said. "The prince in this book is SO CUTE!"
She has a large collection of beautifully-illustrated fairy tales, many of which have princes who are drawn to be, indeed, quite classically good looking. Who could she have settled on?
Click here to see.
Collin, minus tooth
(Note to the reader: the scene below is not related to the picture in any way, which is to say that Collin's relative toothlessness is not a result of his behavior. And in case you are interested, he has since lost the OTHER front top tooth and so now is really ready for his rendition of "All I Want for Christmas.")
Scene: Collin and Lilah are watching a movie. Mommy enters, holding spoon with chocolate chip cookie dough on it. Offers each child a taste, sits down between them and licks the rest of the spoon herself. They watch in relative silence. The movie ends. Collin leans over and punches Mommy in the mouth, smacking the spoon into her teeth and cheek.
Mommy: Oww!
Collin: The movie’s over!
Mommy: Collin, why did you punch me in the mouth?
Collin: I’m sorry. I was aiming for the spoon.
Scene: Collin and Lilah are watching a movie. Mommy enters, holding spoon with chocolate chip cookie dough on it. Offers each child a taste, sits down between them and licks the rest of the spoon herself. They watch in relative silence. The movie ends. Collin leans over and punches Mommy in the mouth, smacking the spoon into her teeth and cheek.
Mommy: Oww!
Collin: The movie’s over!
Mommy: Collin, why did you punch me in the mouth?
Collin: I’m sorry. I was aiming for the spoon.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Ian, in a fairly good mood
Okay, that's a joke. Because Ian is almost always in a VERY good mood, as you can see. And as testament to his general geniality, I offer up, his first five words:
Kitty--This was his very first word, used to describe his beloved cat Molly, all pictures of cats, all other real cats, stuffed cats, cats in books
. . . and me. "Ian," we say, "where's Mommy?" And he grins, points to me, and says, "Kitty!" (It could be worse. Collin has taken to calling me by the affectionate moniker "Chubby Legs.")
Dada--Second word, used to refer to, well, Daddy. Whom he LOVES. Whole face lights up, whole body leans yearningly towards the Daddy in question, small slimy hand grabs for nose or beard or baseball hat bill . . . yay, Daddy!
Rooarrrr--Metonymic word for dinosaur, in that the sound means the thing. He cannot see a dinosaur without making this sound, and trust me, there are a lot of dinosaurs in our house.
Tickle--We tickle Ian at breakfast, he tickles his pears. Everyone is happy. Well, maybe not the pears.
Baa--Meaning ball, and also bat, which is used to (enthusiastically) hit the ball.
So, as I said above, his vocabulary seems indicative of his personality, which is loud, happy, and enthusiastic about other loud (dinosaurs, Daddy) and happy-making (kitties, balls, tickling, Daddy) things. Stay-tuned for the next words, one of which sounds like it is going to be the immortal "Collilah." Who knows, maybe the twins will even answer to it. :)
Kitty--This was his very first word, used to describe his beloved cat Molly, all pictures of cats, all other real cats, stuffed cats, cats in books
. . . and me. "Ian," we say, "where's Mommy?" And he grins, points to me, and says, "Kitty!" (It could be worse. Collin has taken to calling me by the affectionate moniker "Chubby Legs.")
Dada--Second word, used to refer to, well, Daddy. Whom he LOVES. Whole face lights up, whole body leans yearningly towards the Daddy in question, small slimy hand grabs for nose or beard or baseball hat bill . . . yay, Daddy!
Rooarrrr--Metonymic word for dinosaur, in that the sound means the thing. He cannot see a dinosaur without making this sound, and trust me, there are a lot of dinosaurs in our house.
Tickle--We tickle Ian at breakfast, he tickles his pears. Everyone is happy. Well, maybe not the pears.
Baa--Meaning ball, and also bat, which is used to (enthusiastically) hit the ball.
So, as I said above, his vocabulary seems indicative of his personality, which is loud, happy, and enthusiastic about other loud (dinosaurs, Daddy) and happy-making (kitties, balls, tickling, Daddy) things. Stay-tuned for the next words, one of which sounds like it is going to be the immortal "Collilah." Who knows, maybe the twins will even answer to it. :)
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Brothers
Collin (pictured here looking lovingly at his little brother): Mommy, I have to tell you a secret. Duck down. (pulls until I do, then whispers.) Most all the girls in my class have crushes on me. Except maybe three, or two. I don't know. But mostly all the girls do.
Me: Wow. How do you know?
Collin: (shrugging) I just do.
Me: Well, do you like any of them.
Collin: (a bit loftily) No. I'm still in love with my girlfriend. (Macy Hekl, if you're reading this, you can rest easy.)
So should I be proud of my son for being a one-woman man at 6, or should I smack him upside the head for being a little punk? At least we needn't worry about HIS self-esteem.
Me: Wow. How do you know?
Collin: (shrugging) I just do.
Me: Well, do you like any of them.
Collin: (a bit loftily) No. I'm still in love with my girlfriend. (Macy Hekl, if you're reading this, you can rest easy.)
So should I be proud of my son for being a one-woman man at 6, or should I smack him upside the head for being a little punk? At least we needn't worry about HIS self-esteem.
Stunts
Here is what comes next: Ian falls forward on his face on the chair (deliberately) and allows gravity to pull him into a slow fall OFF the chair head-first, knowing that Daddy will not only catch him but propel him into a mid-air flip and set him gently on his feet, during which time he will both drool incessantly and giggle maniacally. When the flip is done he will attempt to climb BACK onto the chair to . . . you guessed it, do it all again.
The only thing that could possibly interrupt this game is the arrival of Molly the cat, partly because this is her favorite chair and partly because every time Ian sees her he feels the need to shriek like a very happy banshee and literally tackle her with his whole body, pulling out great hanks of fur and grinning.
Molly, who is heavily into masochism, apparently, permits this.
And just think, some day soon he's going to be walking. God help us all.
The only thing that could possibly interrupt this game is the arrival of Molly the cat, partly because this is her favorite chair and partly because every time Ian sees her he feels the need to shriek like a very happy banshee and literally tackle her with his whole body, pulling out great hanks of fur and grinning.
Molly, who is heavily into masochism, apparently, permits this.
And just think, some day soon he's going to be walking. God help us all.
Ribbon Dance
There are better pictures of Lilah up on Flickr right now, including several that suggest, erroneously, that she is an energetic and enthusiastic soccer player. (She's actually more like Garbo on the field, very languishing.) But this picture is true Lilah, because of the narrative that accompanies it.
See, she's a girl here, and a famous ribbon dancer gave these ribbons to her mother (whom she calls "Mother," in a very British accent during this game) and then her mother put them in a bag and gave the ribbons to her as a birthday present and she opened it and it was EXACTLY WHAT SHE'D ALWAYS WANTED--RIBBONS! and so she began to dance and even though she'd never done a ribbon dance before she was just lovely and did a wonderful ribbon dance and her mother--"Mommy! Stop feeding Ian and pay attention!"--was just amazed.
See, she's a girl here, and a famous ribbon dancer gave these ribbons to her mother (whom she calls "Mother," in a very British accent during this game) and then her mother put them in a bag and gave the ribbons to her as a birthday present and she opened it and it was EXACTLY WHAT SHE'D ALWAYS WANTED--RIBBONS! and so she began to dance and even though she'd never done a ribbon dance before she was just lovely and did a wonderful ribbon dance and her mother--"Mommy! Stop feeding Ian and pay attention!"--was just amazed.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Beware cuteness
This is Ian. Go to Flickr to see MANY more cute pictures of him. He is wildly ticklish, always hungry, recently recovered from a scary case of RSV (respiratory virus), and a man on the move. He loves to crawl and eat anything in sight, especially student papers, sibling lego, and cat fur (yum!)
And now (as of yesterday, February 1) he has a tooth!!!
And now (as of yesterday, February 1) he has a tooth!!!
Wonder Woman--don't trust her
There are more recent pictures of Lilah as "Bad Kitty" up on flickr, but here we see her power revealed. This story to illustrate:
We often find ourselves long on kids and short on time/attention/energy on the weekends. So last Saturday I took the twins to the library while baby slept and Daddy showered. We got many Magic Treehouse books (Ninjas at Night!) and as we walked home the only way I could resuscitate flagging energy levels (we need a snack! Snack!!!) was to read aloud the back covers of all the books so we could pick which one to read first. As we crossed the pedestrian bridge to our house, an older couple walking in the other direction stopped and stared. The woman burst out laughing.
"Boy, are you lucky kids!" she said, "to have your mom walking and reading to you! She must love you!"
I smiled. Lilah looked from the woman to me, back to the woman, then back to me.
"Mommy!" she said, as if talking to a not-very-bright toddler. "Ummm, Mommy? Read!"
We often find ourselves long on kids and short on time/attention/energy on the weekends. So last Saturday I took the twins to the library while baby slept and Daddy showered. We got many Magic Treehouse books (Ninjas at Night!) and as we walked home the only way I could resuscitate flagging energy levels (we need a snack! Snack!!!) was to read aloud the back covers of all the books so we could pick which one to read first. As we crossed the pedestrian bridge to our house, an older couple walking in the other direction stopped and stared. The woman burst out laughing.
"Boy, are you lucky kids!" she said, "to have your mom walking and reading to you! She must love you!"
I smiled. Lilah looked from the woman to me, back to the woman, then back to me.
"Mommy!" she said, as if talking to a not-very-bright toddler. "Ummm, Mommy? Read!"
Future Captain Blood
You remember, that's Errol Flynn's OTHER iconic role, as the swashbuckling, romantic hero who made women swoon. So while there are better pictures of Collin on our Flickr pages, this one is perfect for the story I am about to tell. As some readers may know, Collin is romantically inclined towards the daughter of one of my closest friends, a 5-year-old charmer with big brown eyes and curls. He has been calling her his girlfriend for over a year now and keeps asking when he can go visit her (sadly, she lives on the West Coast).
So when I swept up the Christmas cards we received this year to discard/store them, I offered Collin this family's card to put in his room along with a picture he keeps of his best friend. He was thrilled and immediately began to examine it closely. A moment of silence followed. Then:
Collin: Mommy, is that C----? (younger sister of the girlfriend)
Me: Yes, buddy. She's four now.
Collin: Wow. She looks like she's growing up.
Me: !!!!!!!!
Later, I found the picture under his pillow. Who was he dreaming of? We'll never know (because frankly, I don't want to!)
So when I swept up the Christmas cards we received this year to discard/store them, I offered Collin this family's card to put in his room along with a picture he keeps of his best friend. He was thrilled and immediately began to examine it closely. A moment of silence followed. Then:
Collin: Mommy, is that C----? (younger sister of the girlfriend)
Me: Yes, buddy. She's four now.
Collin: Wow. She looks like she's growing up.
Me: !!!!!!!!
Later, I found the picture under his pillow. Who was he dreaming of? We'll never know (because frankly, I don't want to!)
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